I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
