It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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