so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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