I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
