Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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