walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
