Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize