Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
