I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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