he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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