so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Randomize
