I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
