You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
