Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
