is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
