he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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