I skipped work to stalk him.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Randomize