super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
