I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
