apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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