I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
