sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
