If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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