He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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