he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
