i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
