I wish I could teleport
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
