Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
