This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize