best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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