i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
