Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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