I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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