i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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