i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
