I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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