Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
it glows. i had to have it.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
