I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
