If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
