My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
50% drunk capacity currently
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
