Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
