Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
