I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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