It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
