I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
