I wish they made helmets for livers.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Please don't give away my fajitas
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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