Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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