I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I currently don't understand fingers.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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