Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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