smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
ok first of all what the fuck
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
