Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
