maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
