Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
