I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize