Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
