Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
