you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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