Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
