Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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