oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
