It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
