Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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