Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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