just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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