my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize