how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
