There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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