Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
