She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
