Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
