Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
What drink are we having for lunch?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
