She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
