Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
