As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
