Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
