is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Randomize
