Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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