my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Randomize
