We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Randomize
