I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
