I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize