this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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