it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
