He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
