And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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