let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
two words...techno handjob
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
