he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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