I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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