I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
