After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
