This girl is more easily done than said...
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
