"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
My bed smells like the plague
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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