I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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