i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Randomize
