Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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