Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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